No Maintenance Required

What if there really was a thing that required no maintenance?
That’s an impossible dream, my friends.

So you want to get a computer?
Get in on the revolution?
You don’t want a computer
because you’ll have to get a new computer every two years
and lots of software to learn.
It’s hard.
There’s nothing soft about it.

Computers are nothing but time takers,
stealing the time you could be performing maintenance on something else.
And they aren’t poetic in the least,
That’s why there are no songs about computers

What if the toothpaste and soap scum didn’t collect around the sink drain
and you didn’t have to wipe sick shit out of the inside of the toothbrush holder?
There are no songs about toothbrushes or sinks either
because that’s an impossible dream

Dog hair is everywhere.
There are songs about dogs – dogs are poems but not their hair
and the fifty pound bags of food you have to pay for and lug home – no poetry there.

What about dogs that roll in shit or eat shit?
Talk about maintenance…

Brush your dog once a week, feed him everyday
and write a song about the giant ticks he carries into the house.
That’s an impossible dream

Books are my friends but they’re all covered in dust
I read once that most dust is mostly dead skin cells,
my books are coated in dead skin
My books require maintenance

An old Dream Guide
I checked out of the library
in college
and never returned
has a gray top
that should be white.

I look up impossible in the Dream Guide
after I blow the dust to a new home
It’s not in there, but dogs are

I am going to invent something that requires no maintenance
for the man who has everything

He can look at it, or not but he’ll never have to read its manual, dust it or wipe sick shit out of it.

He’ll just look at it and maybe,
after he’s done maintaining all of his other crap,
he’ll write a song about it

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